On the solo drive home from Eudora last Sunday night (dark, rainy) – I put in a CD, Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone, that I’d purchased after hearing one selection "Gabriel's Oboe" from the film Casualties of War on Pandora.com radio. (The melody was familiar right away, and I realized it appears on the CD Celtic Women sung with Italian lyrics.) The whole CD plays gorgeous orchestral themes, wistful and dense with emotion. The cello becomes a living voice…so rich.
Anyway, driving away from my darling grand-boys always hurts my heart. The music allowed me to shed necessary tears…and then I progressed to missing Kim, and then to missing my dad (always comes up on that drive) and then I found myself (-so weird-) missing my MOM! I miss the mom I used to know and, no doubt, lean on. She is still living independently, managing her health issues, but seems different somehow, no longer the fearless little engineer of family togetherness, projects, and storytelling that I'd taken for granted for decades. That made me cry big time. So, it was raining outside and inside the car for quite a while, and Yo Yo Ma was keeping time with his tragic cello. Sometimes we lose someone, somewhat, even before we really lose them. I suppose, recognizing this, we must allow ourselves to grieve every now and then. It’s another expression of love.